he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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