I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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