you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
