Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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