You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
