Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Terrible idea I love it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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