Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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