I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
