I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
