Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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