I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
