I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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