Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
