did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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