i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
