so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
