i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
