I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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