i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
