is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
