dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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