grandma shit on top of the toilet
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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