I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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