dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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