So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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