Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
