mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
