We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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