When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
