oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You smell like stripper and shame
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
