Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
