Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
