Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
