she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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