I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
