This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
