My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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