Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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