i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
