he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
