people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
