I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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