Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
