This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
