All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
