I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
