But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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