my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
