I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
