i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i came on her dog
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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