i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
