You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
