I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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