But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
