im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
